I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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