the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
