Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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