They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
