im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
