I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
