Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
