he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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