I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
