Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize