Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
