I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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