Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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