I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
