make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize