Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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