I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
