The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
