ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Semen is not good for contacts.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
