This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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