I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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