Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
