my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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