Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girls should come with a carfax report
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
