He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
