I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
