It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
