If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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