hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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