Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
