Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
