You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
