Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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