some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
