So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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