Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
