i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
