next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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