im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
