cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
