Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
