i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
