Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
