what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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