So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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