I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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