I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
