we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was like eating out sand paper
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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