my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
