Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
