hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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