Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
