Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
