do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And then he peed in my hair
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