shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
