that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
