That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
