He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I came so hard my ears popped.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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