new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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