I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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