i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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