Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
