Walk of Shame. In a state park.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
