god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
