hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
