Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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