He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
