remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
