Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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