Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
